I woke up this morning and in my normal social media checking came across a picture posted by a friend on Facebook. It was and image of what they described as “grief”; and after inspection I believe it truly fit its title. It was sad, lonesome, forlorn and miserable. I felt pity and empathy. And then I realized… I was once this image, but am no more.
I am at this moment very happy!
However, after this self-proclamation… I felt a wave of guilt.
Guilt that I knew the person who posted this (and any other reading right now) could not be helped by anyone other than themselves. It is in my experience, an others I’ve talked with, that the weight of depression can only be lifted by the power of the person it is under. Yes, many come along by our sides and say words of encouragement, help us to laugh, share times would be meaningful; but no one can change our own hearts and feelings, moods and shortcomings than the body in which they inhabit.
For some it takes a while to figure that out. To come to terms with what needs to be done, and then to act on that theory. And sometimes after making the plan and plotting our way ahead, one foot in front of the other like horses with blinders… one day we look up at our surroundings and realized we are far removed from the position we once were at. We’ve actually made progress while we were transfixed on the medium in which to change course. A career switch, long desired hobby, removal of “self” from a negative space and into a positive; whatever the digression it is the means to which remove our former thoughts, intentions, ambitions and replace them with something meant to transform our way of thinking, living, breathing, eating, feeling…. reinventing the outside in order to bring purpose to our insides.
It remains very hot for the average Milwaukee temperatures. Now July 15, smack dab right in the middle of the “dog days”. This, for me, is not a complaint; I live many months of winter looking forward to taking a shower to feel clean, and feeling more wet afterwards than before -due to the humidity being equal or higher than the temp itself. So after waking up with the epiphany of blessing upon my life I chose to walk from my home to Lake Michigan along the South Shore Oak Leaf, in hopes of that good old lake effect “cool”. My plan worked!
I won’t say much about this path, as I’ve writing upon a few times last year. It is an old friend and my place for peace and comfort. But as some of you may know, there is a downtown that can normally be seen from this vantage point (pictures below)… when the morning does not hold thick fog as a lake blanket. A rarity to have the density seen only on the lake itself, with bright blue sunny skies shining directly above! The best of all worlds!
Today I pondered a LOT. How far we’ve come. The place I am at mentally, health-wise and emotionally. There was lots of people watching today. Babies in strollers pushed by 1 or more parent. Siblings, lovers, elderly lovers, singles- all shapes and sizes, races and backgrounds. And I wonder how they felt today, on such a gorgeous morning. If their life resembled “grief or happiness” this day. A day felt completely grateful and thankful for the life I have and share with my husband and extended family. While it is easy to get into the habit of complaining or asking for help, just as is the circle of life, we need to stop and acknowledge happiness as well. In fact, that needs to be done more often as a society; to practice positivity.
In part, my up-beat mood may be due to the exciting happenings of this week. As I mentioned last weekend, I was in the market for a new(er) car. And as I suspected would happen, the right one at the right time was found! I saw it online and drove it the following day. With husbands mechanical approval we quickly put money down to save it while we scraped up the cash. Another avenue of my thoughts today was how truly lucky I am to have my husband. His mechanical and life knowledge are unmatched by most and he can sure negotiate a deal! Purchasing this vehicle took time away from his own things, but he did so gladly and happily. Without argument or complaint. In fact, I think HE (as my live-in-repair-guy 🙂 ) is just as excited to be working on a car of such high caliber… and speed! The whole transaction was like a second-nature to him and we were very happy with the car dealer as well. Not to mention, we sold my prior car today as well! Husband gets double brownie points this weekend!
I have been giddy and smiles from ear to ear all week (which is very unlike me to be about an in adamant object!) Here he is- my 2011 Mini “Cecil” Cooper! (If you aren’t a MKE Brewers fan, you may not catch the nostalgic reference, but I feel both the name and “throw-back” reference are very befitting.) Custom color: Horizon Blue… I’m in love!
This. This is it. And it IS really ME! I had no idea driving could be so much fun, but I’m having a blast!
Such is life: both hill and valley, difficult or fun. Remember that we all experience these extremes and they will build you and strengthen you in the process. Don’t wait for someone else. Help yourself through the hard times. Set your sights on better tomorrows and be the one to turn your turn signal on and change directions.
Thanks for being a passenger with me today!